Proposal email before/after

proposal email before and after
This is an example of an email rewrite done in the Kopywriting Kourse's private member's forum. Context: The lead was already interested and asked for a quote for the project. Goal: Close the deal and land the project! Issues in the BEFORE version:
  • Rambling introduction.
  • Additional offers that don't add value.
  • Complicated pricing structure.
  AFTER version:
  • Direct language. The client already knows the value of the project and has asked for a quote, so this email gets straight to the quotes!
  • The offer is 100% focused on the project at hand.
  • 3-tiered pricing in the form of 3 clear packages.

Image Description

The image visually compares a "Before" and "After" version of an email. The "Before" side shows a cluttered and lengthy email, while the "After" side displays a concise and organized email with clear bullet points.

Positive Aspects

The image effectively demonstrates the transformation from a verbose, unclear proposal to a streamlined, professional email. This visual contrast helps readers immediately grasp the improvements in clarity and structure.

Key Takeaways

  • Direct Communication: The revised email uses straightforward language to address the client's needs efficiently.
  • Focused Offer: By concentrating solely on the relevant project, the email eliminates unnecessary details.
  • Simplified Pricing: A 3-tiered pricing model makes options clear and easy to understand, aiding decision-making.

Additional Insights

Think of the email like a well-organized menu. When the client opens it, they shouldn't feel overwhelmed by options or distracted by unrelated offers. The clarity and focus of the "After" version help seal the deal by respecting the client's time and attention. Plus, clear pricing packages can make decision-making as easy as choosing between small, medium, or large!