Sam Parr
@thesamparr·Jul 23
How to get honest feedback: THE GAP.
"Hey what would you rank this out of 10?" A meeting you just had, a performance, getting a reference check on a candidate...whatever. That's what you ask.
The answers are mostly always between 7 and 9.
"Awesome. What would need to get done to get those last points to make it a perfect 10?"
Typically people don't give good + helpful negative feedback. But...negative feedback (in my opinion) is the best way to improve. The Gap question is a great way to solicit it.
We do this at Hampton during Core groups to get feedback + help people have good convos. I do this when I do reference checks on employees. And we'll do it at the end of internal meetings.
It's a pretty good tool (like me).
Most people give you soft praise that feels nice and fixes nothing. “Great job!” is ego candy, not a roadmap. The Gap question turns that mushy feedback into specific, fixable upgrades you can actually use. It’s simple, non-threatening, and works everywhere from hiring to team meetings to personal performance.
The Gap Question (Step-by-Step)
1. Ask: “What would you rank this out of 10?” 2. Shut up and let them answer. 3. Then ask: “Awesome. What would need to get done to get those last points to make it a perfect 10?” That tiny follow-up question pulls people out of polite mode and into problem-solving mode. You’re not asking, “What was bad?” You’re asking, “How do we upgrade this?” Now their brain is forced to describe the gap between today and a 10/10 version.
How To Steal This For Your Work
Anytime someone says “Nice job” or “This was great,” follow up with: “If this was an 8, what would make it a 10 next time?” Use it after sales calls, demos, newsletters, interviews, standups—any repeatable thing. Over time, you’ll collect a list of small upgrades that compound into big improvements. Soft praise feels good for a day. The Gap makes you better for the long run.
Why This Turns Praise Into Real Feedback
- Numbers feel safe, so people will give you a semi-honest 7–9 instead of a brutal 3.
- The follow-up focuses on improvement, not criticism, so it doesn’t feel like an attack.
- It converts vague vibes (“Pretty good”) into concrete changes (“Shorter, clearer, more stories”).
- You get negative feedback disguised as collaboration, which makes people more candid.
- It builds a habit: everything gets a score and an upgrade path, not just a compliment.
Real Ways To Use The Gap
Hampton uses the Gap question in Core groups to turn casual conversations into targeted, practical feedback sessions.
Hampton uses the Gap method during reference checks to move beyond generic praise and uncover what a candidate would need to be a true top performer.
Hampton runs the Gap question at the end of internal meetings so every meeting ends with a score and at least one idea to make the next one better.
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