Proposal email before/after

This is an example of an email rewrite done in the Kopywriting Kourse’s private member’s forum.

Context: The lead was already interested and asked for a quote for the project.

Goal: Close the deal and land the project!

Issues in the BEFORE version:

• Rambling introduction.
• Additional offers that don’t add value.
• Complicated pricing structure.

AFTER version:

• Direct language. The client already knows the value of the project and has asked for a quote, so this email gets straight to the quotes!
• The offer is 100% focused on the project at hand.
• 3-tiered pricing in the form of 3 clear packages.